How To Fine Tune Your Destination Wedding Guest List
You should invite as many people as you can possibly think of..said no bride ever! SIKE!
I’m here to advise you against that and I won’t list out all of the reasons why, however here is some good information to consider. I truly believe in, ‘less is more’ but know that might be hard for some. Just know that more people than you think will not attend your wedding. This is what I always tell brides when they send me these large guest lists.
Some of the biggest questions that we get asked at TravelBash, outside of costs and budget, are how many people you should invite and how many will come. Well, we don’t have a crystal ball but what we do know (according to the Knot) is that if you invite 100 guests plan on only half showing, and even in the year of COVID this has changed. I always tell brides, once you send out Save the Dates, people will drop off, then after we make initial guest deposits, people will drop and then by final payment, you will have a few more stragglers that drop, so be prepared. I haven’t been doing this for a century but I have never had a bride invite 100 people and have 100 people show. To date, my biggest wedding has been less than 100 guests period.
Food for Thought: At my destination wedding, we had an intimate 44 people including myself and hubby. On the contrary, my brother-in-law had a whopping 68 people. The numbers vary. My COVID bride had 23 guests with a few kids sprinkled in. I have seen a little bit of everything. There have been guests that book 10 rooms and some upwards to 80, especially if you are doing a destination wedding in the states vs. internationally. (Majority of brides do get married in the Caribbean and Mexico however Hawaii is very popular).
Anywho let’s get down to the math and guide you through your list. For starters, it’s beneficial to break up the count into three categories:
The Elopement (You and I + roughly 2-10)
Friends and Family (more like 30-60)
Free For All (Everybody you know, 75 +)
Keep in mind, this is a rough estimate. You will have a better idea when you start planning. Remember, you will still have to pay for these guests, even at an all-inclusive location, as the majority of packages include 20-25 guests. Whatever you have over that, you will pay the difference – especially when it comes to ceremony seats, cocktail hour menu and reception and don’t forget the open bar. If you plan to skip a private event altogether this could change.
Just note: The more people, the bigger the cost. For couples looking to stay under a modest budget, this is important to keep in mind. Keeping your numbers lower helps keep the costs down, and allows you to create an intimate setting with unique touches that really gives those who come a true experience. Quick tip: If you have a smaller group, set up a tequila tasting or private group activity for a truly over the top guest experience.
So with all that info I just spit to you, how do you choose?
First off, you know your guests better than me! There are always people who say they are going to come and then cancel at the last minute. If you don’t believe let me give you the number to my last five brides. LOL! Don’t be offended, just be prepared.
Remember, all you are doing is extending an INVITE. That is it. It's an invitation and it's up to them to accept or decline. Never ever feel obligated to invite anyone – that means telling your parents you will not invite people you don’t know – unless they are paying for it...just kidding! =)
Ok so let’s get to it! Follow these tips when struggling on who, what and where to start.
Start With Today
This means that although we understand Joey from third grade was the first to walk you to school, he doesn’t need to get an invite to your wedding today. Look at who you are close with now. We suggest you start with those people who are in your life today and have been for the last six months. This does not include your mom’s best friend’s sister or uncle’s third girlfriend’s son. Also, leave work friends at work unless they are truly your friend. If the last time you saw your one cousin on your daddy’s side was when you were in diapers, cross. him. off. It’s that simple.
Keep It Even
This is where couples start clowning, not going to lie! There is always one side with 100 guests and the other with 25. I am not laughing but this was totally me and my husband as I have a big family and knew that more people would come for me than him 😂! (No shade babe 😘) With all that said, set the parents straight upfront. Let them get the same number of invitations (if any) to hand out. If they are picking up the bill, all this changes of course. Give them a few more invites and take the L for the betterment of your decor and menu 😉.
Split Test
Not as in science but we love a good Guest List A and B! How it works? On the first list known as the A list, these people should be the ones you can’t get married without… for me it was gran gran and for my husband it was his brother and best friend(s). Guest List B are those you are friends with that would like to have there, but your feelings wouldn’t be hurt if they couldn’t come. These are the more distant peeps.
Now About Those Guests…
Those guests I speak of are the ones you want to attend, but question who their guests might be? Well, what are your plus-one rules going to be? Personally, I am not a fan of those guests, but hey it’s your day so do what makes you feel good! It’s a tricky subject because they add to your bottom line and some of your best friends and family will insist on allowing them to bring someone. I say stick to your guns and create a blanket rule across the board. Make sure everyone is held accountable. No one likes someone you have never met showing up to the wedding and being a total asshole.
To Kid Or Not To Kid...that is the question
Another one I’m not a fan of is kids(lol). Don’t shoot me, but I was young when I got married and felt like I wanted an adult experience. For our 10-year vow renewal, of course, it will be different, especially since all of our friends now have kids and I am their proud auntie. With that said, you know kids create an entirely different vibe at weddings even if you aren’t setting up craft tables or incorporating a Kids Bop playlist. I understand some couples already have kids and so of course that makes sense, but you still want to decide to just have your kids or your sisters’ kids vs. guests bringing their kids….trust me, it’s not the same. If you do choose a kid-friendly weekend, make sure to have ample activities to keep them entertained and look for resorts with kids clubs and babysitting services so the adults can have some free time. If you do choose NO KIDS, make sure to list out the names who are invited or make it clear on the invite and your wedding website.
Treat Your Guests As Yourself...you know like in the bible…
Even though it's your special day, let’s be honest – people forget that a wedding is meant to be celebrated with the people you love the most and who love you, so make sure you choose a destination that offers a great vacation and additional amenities for those on a budget. If you still need some help, feel free to reach out, I am more than happy to cross people off your list!
Courtnie is the founder & CEO of TravelBash. After years as an ambitious fundraiser, she took her passion for travel full-time. She has lived all over the U.S. and abroad and after planning her own destination wedding, she decided to help other couples plan their big day abroad too. She has written “Passport to Paradise: The Complete Destination Wedding Guide,” a top seller on Amazon. She has also been featured in Travel + Leisure, Destination I Do and The Washington Post. As a certified travel advisor, expert event planner and natural connector, she uses her powers to create VIP travel experiences.
