Should We Allow Kids at Our Destination Wedding?
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby. According to the little rhyme, it’s a natural progression of life, and chances are you have friends and family members in the baby—or toddler or child—phase. Although the choice may seem simple for couples getting married in their hometown, there are several things to consider if you’re saying “I do” in another location. If you and your partner are trying to decide whether or not to include little ones in your destination wedding, here are some tips on how to choose.
How to Determine if You Should Have Kids at Weddings
Decide whether or not you would invite kids to a wedding at home.
One of the first steps you should take is to consider whether you would include littles if your wedding was in your hometown. Some couples adore children, and others cringe at the very thought of a baby crying during their wedding vows. Talk with your significant other about whether you would include kids no matter where your wedding takes place.
Gauge your guests and their life stage.
Did your sister recently have a baby? Do you have a bunch of nieces and nephews? These are things to consider. You don’t necessarily want to exclude parents of little ones from coming to your big day. Step into their shoes for a moment and think about potential difficulties with bringing their children or leaving them at home. Some folks may relish the chance to get away for a few days alone, while others can’t imagine going far away without their kids in tow.
Factor in the reality that you are having a destination wedding.
Telling some guests that they can’t bring their kids may force them to miss out on your big day. Ponder your guest list and see if saying no to kids at your wedding would prevent anyone from coming. For parents, there is a big difference between leaving your kids for a wedding that’s a few minutes away as opposed to a plane flight. Therefore, your decision may depend on how far from home you’re having your destination wedding.
Don’t be afraid to have frank conversations.
The chances are that your destination wedding guest list is a bit more honed in than it would be for a wedding in your hometown. You’re also probably closer to those folks, so seize the opportunity to ask them their opinion. Your future sister-in-law may have to bring her nursing baby, whereas your college BFF would love to get away from the kids for a long weekend with her partner. It’s best to ask your “must attend” list of guests before finalizing your decision.
Remember that consistency is vital.
If you have the frank conversations above, be prepared to make a decision across the board. When one nursing baby is allowed, you should make the same allowance for all of your guests. Don’t pick and choose which friends and family members can—or can not—bring children. The result could be some very hurt feelings, which you want to 100% avoid on your big day. Exceptions can tactfully be made for immediate family and the wedding party.
Make your decision early.
Spoiler alert: I’m providing kid-free wedding wording for your invitations below. That being said, you must let your guests know as early as possible whether or not they can bring children. Depending on your decision, waiting could leave guests scrambling for childcare at the last minute. Conversely, if kids are allowed, letting parents know ASAP leaves the option open for them to plan a family vacation around your big day.
Be prepared to provide childcare.
For those guests that do need to bring their kids, be proactive. Child-free wedding etiquette—especially for a destination event—often calls for childcare. Work with your planner to find a reputable service in the area. Many childcare companies can set up in a small banquet room at a resort or hotel so that children can be close to their parents. If private care is necessary for children who need to sleep, you can use a company with vetted sitters, such as Care.com.
The decision to provide childcare can also apply to weddings with children. You may want your reception kid-free, but they are welcome at the reception. On the other hand, if you don’t want them to be included on the wedding day, providing trusted childcare workers can offer parents peace of mind while enjoying your celebration. If children have a nanny or consistent caregiver, invite that person to come along. That way, they will be in the care of someone familiar.
How to Say No Kids at Weddings
It’s relatively easy for those of you who are including the kids—just put their names on the invitation. However, if you’re in favor of no kids at weddings, indicate this in your communication to your guests. Merely leaving the children’s names off the invitation won’t settle it in everyone’s mind. You don’t want a rogue little one showing up uninvited. Here is how to tell someone not to bring their child to your destination wedding.
Formal Child-free Wedding Wording
Please note that this will be an adults-only celebration.
Unfortunately, we can not accommodate children. Thank you for understanding.
Besides our bridal party, we are not allowing children at our wedding celebration.
Children aged 16 and up are more than welcome to attend our destination wedding ceremony and reception.
Informal Kid-free Wedding Wording
Parents, take a break and celebrate at our child-free wedding.
We love kids as much as you, but leave them home when we say, “I do!”
So we can dance the night away, please leave your kids at home to play.
Something borrowed, something blue, we’re providing childcare when we say, “I do.”
Whether or not you have children, put yourself in the position of a parent. You want to focus on you and your partner on your big day and not stress about kids. For each couple, guest, and destination, your conclusion may look a bit different, so have a conversation with your partner. After considering the pros and cons, make your decision confidently with guests—and their littles—in mind.
Courtnie is the founder & CEO of TravelBash. After years as an ambitious fundraiser, she took her passion for travel full-time. She has lived all over the U.S. and abroad and after planning her own destination wedding, she decided to help other couples plan their big day abroad too. She has written “Passport to Paradise: The Complete Destination Wedding Guide,” a top seller on Amazon. She has also been featured in Travel + Leisure, Destination I Do and The Washington Post. As a certified travel advisor, expert event planner and natural connector, she uses her powers to create VIP travel experiences.
